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Nostalgia

Nostalgia is defined as "a sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past". As I'm spending my summer in Singapore, the paths that I had once walked 9 years ago leave my heart heavy. As I look at the streets that I grew up in, I'm at a loss of words. I could also say that I'm at a loss of emotions. What am I supposed to feel? Maybe this is what nostalgia feels like. Maybe nostalgia is just a void reaction. As I carry my heavy self through the streets, all my five senses feel lost. In the process of conveying some information to my brain, they lost themselves in my childhood. Deep down, I want to be a child again, walking through those streets like there's no tomorrow. What happened to that everlasting smile, that infinite pond of energy and optimism, those aspirations? What if nostalgia is the body's way of expressing the want to be that child again? As I attempt to find more pieces, my heart loses itself, not in the journey but in my past. Maybe the heavy feeling was just my heart trying to drag me into my past. Ah. How comfortable it would have been? The more I try to understand life, the more questions I find myself answering. Leaving those streets is easily one of the tougher things I've had to do this summer. I was supposed to be relaxing, not feeling heavy. This journey was supposed to fill my heart with joy and content and not drop it in vacuum. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful walk, one that has left me refreshed and content. It feels good to know that my childhood was a great adventure, in safe hands. I feel happy for the child, not for myself, I am content about my past not about my present. Is that what we are, dwellers of the past? Or is it just me? As I ready myself to explore these questions, I wonder what this journey has in store for me. Is there ever an end? Will I ever find myself at the finish line, looking back at what has been a wonderful journey, the journey of my life? I wonder how it would look like, how I would feel and more importantly would I miss the journey? Would I feel nostalgic then? 

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