Amidst chaos lies our meaning

 I did type out the ending of this blog. Something inside me thought I should reopen this. So here I am, starting with a new attempt - poems. This one's about impermanence.  Every morning, every night, Life keeps testing your might, You want to take the easy way out, But this little voice and its humble shout, Keeps the hope in you alive, Into the pool of life you dive, Unknowing of the depth in the pull, You're only trying to live to the full, In that moment, the freedom that brings, With the memory of the impermanence of things.

The title of the post must be self explanatory. I started this blog as a vent. A vent for everything in my head. On a few days, I'd sit and write whatever was floating in my mind. It brought in a lot of serenity, a lot of closure to the multitude of happenings. On top of all that, I realised what most people actually feel. Initially, I thought I was alone and the thoughts creeping up in my head was a part of me and me alone. Once I started writing, I got to understand that there are people who feel the same. I don't necessarily know if the blog made you happy or sad. I don't know if it made me happy or sad. I wanted to write and this was my platform for the same. I've found my love for writing. I've found peace and solace in it. I will continue to do so but on a different platform. A new beginning. Soon.  In my journey to understanding why I feel the way I feel, I realised that most of us are filled with a lot of disturbance. There's a lot of rage agains...

This one is inspired from Interstellar. One of the finest films ever made. One of my favourite. Coupled with Hans Zimmer, this movie defined a good film for me. The effort a movie director put in to make a film as scientifically accurate as this is inspiring. More than that, this movie has a plot that runs really deep. To me, time is nothing but a storage device where we store memories. It isn't standard. You can't define time. You only assume it. Like every other one, this storage device is also limited. You can either fill it with garbage or you can fill it with the best pictures, movies, songs and what not. That's up to you. That is something you have the liberty to pursue. You've all the time in the world to go out there and explore. To stop and observe nature. To take a minute of your otherwise hectic day to stop and look if you're actually happy. Many of us are in a meaningless pursuit of materialistic pleasures. Not to say that money is unimportant. It is...

Sometimes, I come across pictures that have the depth of a trench. This picture taps that part of me which displays some sense of humanity. Coexistence is a way of nature. There's no messing around about it. Somehow, in the growth of human history, coexistence became a matter of quenching man's ego. We're cruel. Better yet, barbaric. It's hurtful and annoying to think about what we, as a species have done to mother Earth, nature, and also fellow humans. Fast-forward to today. A news pops up on my phone. Expecting it to be the results of the IPL match, I open it, only to find myself absolutely disgusted about what we have become. An 8 year old is raped. Over 20,000 woman are raped a year. That's north of 50 women every day. EVERY DAY! It pains me to talk about something as sensitive as this but the path down which we're headed leads to the end of humanity. Or is humanity already dead?  

Yet another unrelated title. I'm getting really good at this. So uncanny. Anyways, I could leave the picture alone and most of you would infer a million things. Like they say, a picture speaks a thousand words. At some part of everybody's life, loneliness hits you. It hits you hard. Harder than Mike Tyson. Fine, harder than Ivan Drago. It's probably just a phase. All I'm trying to say is we miss out on the wonderfulness of life by complaining about what we don't have. Here I am, Guns N' Roses playing on my headphones. I'm writing this post on my laptop connected to a fairly alive internet connection. Am I actually lonely? Totally. I've found solace in art. I've started appreciating visual art and have been absorbed by music of late. Writing is the shell that is protecting me from the harshness of the outside world. It's a cruel cruel place to be. There's a lot of pressing issues I'd like to talk about. Social message. Social activ...

Nope. This is not what you think it is. I'm no advocate for religion. Before we break that down, I'd like to talk about hope. Hope, to most of us is just another four letter word. As kids, hope is the feeling you have when India needs a boundary of the last ball and MS Dhoni is on strike. As you grow older, hope morphs itself. Your understanding of hope is as fuzzy as the vision of a drunk doper. Yep. Double power. When you're in college, hope is that little thing inside you that consoles you when you're having a breakdown. It's that little thing inside you that convinces you to wait for an opportunity. It gives you that reserve confidence to fight back and claim your spot. A lot of what I'm writing is either directly or indirectly chained to the doomed gates of engineering. What if I never wanted this? What if I was blindsided into making this decision? What if I want to write? Am I still not a kid? Hope is that little thing that flashes in front of you...

I probably have to start using my own images before somebody throws the copyright infringement on me. All done in complete innocence, I testify. Nevertheless, today I felt like writing about music. For that, we'd have to take a trip down memory lane. Was the summer of '17. I'd pop on my headphones, listening to music on Spotify, as I enjoyed the serenity of Singapore's quiet roads. Those were the best days of my life. Though I was breaking my head over what to do with this massive commitment staring down my rather empty brain. * shudders *. Music was a means of escape. I'd go to the gym, take a long, refreshing bath and pop on my headphones. Such pain my ears have been subjected to. When summer was about to come to an end, I had but one thing to request. Wake me up when September ends. I'm very specific about capitalising. The internet is a mean and dark place filled with critics. I'm not taking my chances. On a lighter note, fast-forward to winter, ...

Having just finished performing at the international music festival, a heavy hearted Karan found his way back to his room. The grip on his guitar was loosening and his heart beating fast. Flashes of her face is all that he could see. His eyes still held love for her. The one that left him 7 years back. His heartbeat, racing like a horse, knew nothing but the love for her. He had grown tired. People walking past were patting him, congratulating him for the stellar performance on stage. His dream had finally come true. He could now look up at the skies and tell the world beyond that he had moved on. As he walked into his room, placing his guitar on the table, he crashed into the bed. As the night grew older, the strings of his guitar told his story. The story of a young boy whose only mistake was the love he had. All the years they spent together snapped in one instant just like the strings of the guitar. How worn out it had become. The night was still young, reminiscent of all the sle...

Hello everyone. Yep. I just went on a break again. It's like those times when you decide to take a 'power nap' in the afternoon and end up waking up to a new cosmic arrangement of dimensions. I procrastinated. There. But I'm glad I decided to write again. Honestly speaking, the last few months have been fairly terrible. But this blog isn't about me. It's for the greater good. At least that's what I tell myself every time I decide to make an entry. I'm no published writer, I'm no author, but what I am is a passionate amateur writer. Writing gives me joy. I found the irony in connecting the dots. All the time that I spent writing about my emotional journey to find my passion, I completely left out writing. Ironical. Yeah yeah, life can wipe the smirk of its face. What I have realised in the past few months is that happiness can only be found in choices you make for yourself. In this one sided hypothetical relationship with engineering, I've real...

I've always wanted to write about decisions. It is a topic I've always found funny yet something I have never really understood. To set things straight, I am of the opinion that decisions is what makes us "us" and not anybody else. The immediate consequence is almost always regret. What intrigues me is, is regret a simple hatred of our past, or is it simply a disregard? Understanding that the decision maker was us, I don't get how regret has a role to play in defining who we are. The straight forward path always seems to be the one where we make our decisions and live by them.  This is what most self-help books or any inspiring talk would talk about. I disagree. Though I don't really understand regret, I believe it is a necessary evil. It is simply us acknowledging the mistake we've made. This is truly the first step to growth. We're often given choices to make, from whether to snooze or wake up to whether we should save or spend. Like in vid...

  Let me take a step back to look at how this blog has grown. Though I do it quite often, I want to point out something interesting. I started this with the intention of understanding and writing about the emotional journey of life. Now, I've found my voice in writing about some pressing issues I find wrong or I find interesting. I am intrigued by mindsets of people and their perception. It is no more about me, I think it never has been.  Now about mindsets, what I find very surprising is how rigid people can be. Let me give you an example. Utter the word debate out in public and most people would succumb to remaining loyal to their point of view. They torture it to fit their sense of judgement whereas in reality, a debate is about two sides of a coin finally seeing eye to eye. Most perceptions on life are, in similar fashion, very rigid. People are so blinded by their opinions and their view on any issue that anything said or done against it would offend them emot...

I started this blog as a means of discovering more about myself, and I haven't been truer. What started of as random ramblings during sleepless nights has now grown to be my voice. I believe everyone has their own voice, and they all express it in different forms. My sister draws, I write and I know a few of my friends who create music. The deeper you look at all the works, the more you'll understand about their voice, their stronghold view on this Earth.  So many days have gone by when I've sat down only to realize the pace at which the current generation is moving forward. Credit it to the ease at which information is available but the reality is darker than it seems. That's when I came across this quote Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle.  This might have been the picture perfect excuse for procrastination, and mind you it has, but a lot has changed ever since. Self acceptance is something I find lacking in most people. It isn...

Uncertainty is probably the one driving force of fear in today's fast paced world. You look around and you notice how so many lives are seemingly planned out. Then you stare at yours, all desolated, as you wonder what lays ahead. I guess everyone reaches this stage at some point of time in their lives. It's less about what lays beyond the clouds and more about what you've got now. If you dissect any life, you'll understand that greatness came out of facing uncertainty. It is probably that very demeanor that gives life a shade of it's own. The human species is gifted with a sense of outward thinking. When you look closer, you realize that it's those moments filled with suspense that give us meaning to take the next step. Imagine this ideal life, where everything you'll ever be is handed over to you before hand. You know when every tiny act will take place in this grand drama that is your life. The worst part being, you know precisely when it will end. W...

This post is going to be a slight detour from the other ones. The path I've laid down for my blog is a rather philosophical one and I thought it would be a shame if I didn't write about one of nature's best thinkers, Richard P Feynman. This comes after reading Surely you're joking, Mr. Feynman!. Simply put, the book was an inspiring one. It made we wonder how the human race has moved forward. How the times of war were indeed a boon when it came to scientific advancements. Feynman was in most ways a curious soul who wouldn't stop unless he had simplified concepts enough. That level of fundamental understanding is something our generation lacks. There's a great deal that people can learn from him. It isn't limited to the people interested in science. You could be an artist and still learn a great deal from him. He used to think. He was a thinker, a rather prolific one. Something everyone in every field needs to be today. The closer you look, the more y...

It is said that the human species thrives on curiosity. It is that curiosity that led us here. Our evolution, our mere presence on Earth is a consequence of our curiosity. It is that very curiosity that led to the discovery of fire, wheel and all the things that we see built around us. How then would anyone live without imbibing nature? The more I’ve pondered about the delicacies of this topic, the more I wonder if we’ve actually evolved. Let’s go back in time to 17th and 18th century. Walked on Earth a great thinker. As he’d called himself, a natural philosopher. Sir Isaac Newton. Having contributed to physics, mathematics and probably most of the phenomenal work we’ve been able to do, he had never called himself a scientist or an engineer. He was a natural philosopher. A great thinker. A thinker about the realms of nature. Then there was Da Vinci. Known for his art, his dissections, his mathematics and his proposition of designs for airplanes. How is it that we’ve narrowed down...

There used to be a kid, Ambrosia, who loved to wander. Often she'd get lost, only to find herself treading unknown territory, amidst strangers. Funny it was for she had only found love when the strangers welcomed her. Years went by and she had visited every territory there was to tread and none had been hostile. She wondered why she was showered with so much love when all that she was, was just a stranger. She could have entered with evil intent but she'd never been treated a stranger. The warmth of the hearth was all that she received. In search of a hostile territory, Ambrosia found herself growing up. The more she grew, the richer her travels had become. A little girl who was amidst the farms was now in the heart of cities. Hostility had finally struck her. She had never felt less human before. As she sat by the roads wondering why she had left the fields, she realized that it was the lights that drew her. Having heard tales of the city that never sleeps, the passion grew...

Change is the only constant. All of us are afraid of change. Deep down, humans are social beings who have been adapting and have made change the only constant in all of humanity's existence. It seems like all of humanity has come to a screeching halt. The technology led evolution has enabled each human being to create for themselves, a perfect world, one where they are their ideal self. We put on masks with the hope of appealing to others virtually when we are incapable of keeping all of us together in the real world. I am not a preacher for change, for most of us have enabled that in our climates. The real action lies out there, outside of that comfort zone that you're so comfortably placed in. I've realized that we, as human beings, are incapable of perceiving change to be good or bad unless we experience it first hand. Change is tough but where there is purpose, there lies meaning. Once you've given change the character of meaning, it will grow, from crawling ...

As I sit in the college library, typing this out, I can't help but let my thoughts wander off. An average human being conceives about 60,000 thoughts a day. What is to say that one of them isn't the potential cure for cancer or the eradication of poverty? Why is it that we judge people on the attire they wear or the size of their wallet when thoughts are all that change the world? Thoughts isn't something limited to the rich. All of us own the same time, the same time to conceive and act upon any of those 60,000 thoughts. Like the sperm race, one of those thoughts lays down the theme for the day. We blame that thought and take out our disappointment on others. Have I won the thought race just like the sperm race to ultimately realize that that victory is the only one that doesn't matter? There's this quote that says “life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans”. This quote hits me hard on a personal level. All my life, all this seeming...

To me, we are all agents of chaos. We aren't like the Joker, unlike him we don't intend good. However ironic that may sound, the world might be a better place with 7 billion jokers than even a billion of us. This blog isn't about us. It's about me and I believe myself to be an agent of chaos. Being born in India, I have been taught to only look at life in one perspective, how good I am with respect to the first ranker. Millions of structured and organized lives make it to university but there I am, amidst all that order, a grain of chaos. Unlike order, chaos is addictive and infectious. People following order envy those who are agents of chaos. Why should they? While I spent a while figuring it out, I realized that in chaos we recover true order. Confusing much? Let's break that down. Chaos is nothing but freedom. Liberty to follow your dreams and do what you love instead of having to live your life by dogma. In that we find work we love, truly and that according t...

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.  Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow.   L ines from one of my favorite songs, Mad World. I don't know if my interpretation is right, but to me this song is about a monotonous life. One bad day and everything hits you hard, you realize that the life you've lived has nothing to do with the dreams you had as a kid. You've painted your life grey, not 50 shades, just one. That's how monotonous you've become. This isn't about you, it's about me. Selfish? Maybe. My life has been on autopilot, wake up, curse studies, binge, eat, sleep. What happened to all that enthusiasm in learning something new? What happened to that awe when I learnt something new in science? I've been fooled into believing that this is the life I want. I blame no one but me. My foolishness. My naivety. You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost. Another line from one of my favorites, Bad Day. Is...